Cookies and Cop Outs

Yesterday, Aram and I took a little trip to Superstore. For those of you unfamiliar, Superstore is something like a cross between Costco and a regular grocery store. That is to say, it’s fantastic. I think we spent pretty close to three hours there. Seriously.

We came away with a carload of stuff, including three adorable and fun sundresses for me, a multi-pack of steaks for Aram, and some delicious 400-thread-count sheets for us both.

We also purchased a pack of that pre-mixed Pilsbury cookie dough. And this is where it gets dicey.

I didn’t plan on purchasing said cookie dough. I did not want to purchase said cookie dough. And yet, somehow, as we were standing in the refrigerated section somewhere between the cheese slices and the fat-free yogurt, I heard myself say “hey, you know what would be delicious…”

Yup. Cookies.

Those cookies for me were not just cookies. They were my saying, in so many words, “Today, is not the day that I focus on doing good for me. It’s not the day I listen to my body and refrain from piling on the crap. Today is the day things stay the same.”

Boo.

Today is also the last day of Bindu Wiles’ beautiful online community challenge #21.5.800. This is bittersweet in my heart. I kind of failed it.

I started out all strong and motivated. Full of will power and gusto, determined to make that simple change in my daily life. To write. To breathe, and to move.

But, after a little more than a week, my resolve slipped. I let a day in without writing, or I couldn’t quite find time for the yoga. The thing about that little slip is, once you’ve opened the door to the breeze of neglect – even just a teeny, tiny crack – the whole damn thing gets blown wide in, letting out all the dirt and dust bunnies that were hidden in the corners.

As soon as we realize that nothing much HAPPENS when we slip up – the world doesn’t stop spinning, Lady Gaga doesn’t all of a sudden slip on some flip flops and sweatpants – it all goes to shit. One day turns into two, and once you’ve missed two, well then what is even the point anyways?

My practices didn’t dry up for good. Either writing or yoga did manage to get squeezed into more days than they probably otherwise would have, had I not had the momentum of #21.5.800 to spur me on. And that’s good.

I am grateful for that.

Around the same time that this challenge began, the World-Changing Writing Workshop got off the ground. I told you about it on the same day I launched my #21.5.800, in fact.

The first speaker was world domination specialist Chris Guillebeau. He totally rocked it. I took pages and pages of notes throughout his talk, but the one thing that sticks with me most strongly, most insistently, was this: No matter what, get in your words.

Chris pointed out, in no uncertain terms, that if you wanted to be a writer – if being a creative, world-changing writer was any kind of priority for you – then you need to actually do it. You need put your money where your mouth is, so to speak, and actually DO the writing. Prioritize it. Get up at 5:30 in the morning if you have to, but stop making excuses. Get your words in.

Clearly he and Bindu have been talking.

Despite that virtual talking-to by Chris and the continuous encouragement from Bindu on her blog, I floundered. I failed.

And then. After a tremendous turn-out and busy 500-strong online community, Bindu announced that she was extending the original challenge by ten days.

Everything would stay the same and you could just do with it as you would. You could let the original commitment stand on its own, and finish at the initial stopping point. Or you could keep at it for ten more days. If you had let things go, as I did, you could recommit.

You could exercise a little kindness towards yourself, and recognize that you had signed up at all – and that that was no mean feat in itself. You had – even if it was just for the most fleeting of moments – recognized what was possible within you, and said that you would work – you would truly work – at pushing through any resistance.

The intention was there.

So. On this, the last day of the original challenge, I am recommitting. I am saying, one more time, that I will push through the resistance for ten more days. And then, that I will continue on creating after that. I’ll heed Chris’s call to action, and make my writing a priority.

Those cookies that I bought yesterday? They were me letting my promise to myself slip. They were the wind blowing open that door again. They were my attempt at mediocrity.

Because when you sabotage yourself from moving forward – from making the changes that you so desperately crave – you’re keeping yourself safe. You’re following the path ALWAYS traveled.

Staying safe, staying where things are? That can be even more dangerous than doing something completely crazy – something that could actually cause you harm. Something like riding your bike naked. (Yes, people actually do this. I realize it’s for a good cause and all, but really? You’re on a bike. NAKED. I don’t even want to think about the chafing.) Because at least when you make a really big mistake – when you fuck something up royally or get road rash where you should never, ever get road rash – you’re forced to do something about it. You have no choice but to take notice and change things in some way.

And change is a powerful thing. Change moves mountains and reframes self-perceptions.

Change is good, baby.